Spit or Swallow? Poetry and Mixed Media by Jamie Marich

Do you spit or do you swallow? 
What! How dare you ask me that! 
 
The question is relevant 
Do you spit or do you swallow… 
The shame. 
 
Some women seem to have a natural gift 
To spit it out, to reject it 
Or they simply refused to be dicked around 
In the first place 
 
I am in awe of these women because for years 
I swallowed and 
Swallowed and 
Swallowed 
 
“Taking it like a woman” to  
Keep the connection 
To secure the attachment 
To be a good girl 
 
For the men I wanted to love me 
To praise me 
To adore me 
To let me play on their field 
 
Even though I was more talented 
More resilient 
More flexible and  
A hell of a lot stronger 
 
By swallowing the shame 
Internalizing the misogyny 
Being the version of a lady 
They wanted me to be 
 
And even treating other women 
Poorly in reaction 
Denying them their rights, 
Their process 
 
I swallowed 
Believing it would keep the man happy 
When he could care less what I did 
As long as he got off first 
 
How would he react now if I spit it 
Right back in his face? 
Would that make me an unlady? 
Will they take my good girl card away? 
 
Better yet, what if I don’t show up for the game? 
Make him take care of himself 
Hell has no fury like a privileged man 
Losing his power 
 
While compassion has long been our power 
I must no longer let the man use that against me 
I almost died in both body and spirit 
Caring too much 
 
When we step back into the power we deserve 
The world comes back into balance 
Yes, the fight ahead is a long one 
They will come after us 
 
Violently 
Or worse yet 
They may even deny us the  
Connection and love we desire 
 
May the fire burning in our bellies  
Lit from the kindling of that  
Good Girl card they revoked 
Light the way 
 
Surround yourself with the good men, women, and people 
Who will never make you be anything than who you are 
Who will celebrate your spirit to the fullest 
Who will never ask you—spit or swallow? 
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