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I Wanted To Write You A Think Piece by Dr. Jamie Marich

1/24/2021

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I wanted to write you a think piece
A cogent reflection on an issue of
Great social import--
What it’s like to be raised in the 
Culture of conspiracy 
Yet my brain is still a bit too scrambled
To weave coherent sentences together
Probably because phrases like
“Deep state” and “high cabal”
Were a regular part of my childhood diet
Long before YouTube was even a thing
But just as toxic voices coming
Through the radio flooded my tender heart
Sometime before my brain broke
Beyond repair
 
I wanted to write you a think piece
But my brain can no longer think straight
Not like anything about me was
Built to be straight-
Perhaps it’s that I am so damn tired
My mind is exhausted 
The heart hurts like my heart has the virus
And my soul can only muster the strength 
To plop down on my couch and cry
The last four years wearied my soul 
On top of the forty years
I’ve spent running from ghosts 
Slaying monsters, dancing with demons 
Or figuring out a way to live with them
Most days it all feels the same 
 
I wanted to write you a think piece
Something that might catch the attention of
Rachel Maddow or NPR
A queer daughter shares her lived experience
Of surviving a conservative existence
Q-Anon pings on our modern radar, yet
A-thru-P were quite the torture too
The father who exposed me had such a
Questionable relationship with the truth,
With consistency, with decency, and yes
Even with the Mighty God he claimed to serve
Yet when you’re a spirited little girl
You believe in him
And that his goodness will prevail
Not his delusions 
 
I wanted to write you a think piece
Full of big words to help you understand
And yet I only have big feelings 
That still make an accomplished person
Unsure of who she can really trust
Uncertain of what is fantasy and what is real
Unclear if the avoidant lovers who are a 
Staple in her life truly mean what they say
About my love, my body, my light
Or if they are just like him
Afraid of my light 
Too afraid to let it work 
Her transformative powers
My light works that magic for so many
So why do I still feel so cold in my own bed?
 
I wanted to write you a think piece 
About how the fire in my belly 
Led me to the Capitol to make sure
That the King of my father’s own image 
Was indeed knocked off his throne  
I got to tell one of his disciples
That he sounded like an abuser
And that I could no longer communicate
With such a person for whom the Truth
Clearly means something so different
Their vision of a great America is no
America in which I want to live 
So how am I supposed to live with them?
How can our demons ever possibly dance
Together on the same floor?
 
I wanted to write you a think piece
Full of solutions for unity 
Based on my knowledge and life’s work
Yet this puzzle is not one that
Thinking will ever solve
And our feelings may burn down
Each other's houses 
I am curled up, crying on my couch
With the young women that still
Live inside
Just wanting their father to love them
As they are, as she is
A very blue soul
Who loves America and everything in it
With a fiercely bleeding heart
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Dr. Jamie Marich in Conversation with Dr. Cathy Malchiodi

1/10/2021

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Dr. Jamie was proud to interview one of her role models and "legends" of expressive arts therapy, Dr. Cathy Malchiodi on January 6, 2021. Listen as they chat about the expressive arts and the needed paradigm shifts within our field.

To learn more about Dr. Malchiodi's work, go to: www.cathymalchiodi.com
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Darkness and Light: Poetry Composed in Community by 2020 "Between the Holidays" Retreatants

12/18/2020

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Artwork credit: Debra Sowald
​“We need to be in dark soil to grow. There is no spotlight in the womb. Darkness is incubation.”
 
Not separate
Darkness and light is whole in its contrast but
            also one in its wholeness of the same…
Darkness and light are a continuum
All is required for life and growth
Transformation from one to the other
Both And
The swirling, the deepening, the opening
reconciled within
The sun, the storm, the journey, the challenge
Brought us together today
Seeds push up through the black soil
Evolving ever onward
Entangled
You have to embrace darkness to give light a
rebirth.
And find wholeness that is my birthright
New life contracts from darkness to light
Love and Growth and Fear and Protect
all that is within
Held in a sacred womb
Both are gifts that merge
I can “be” Both
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Spit or Swallow? Poetry and Mixed Media by Jamie Marich

10/13/2020

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Do you spit or do you swallow? 
What! How dare you ask me that! 
 
The question is relevant 
Do you spit or do you swallow… 
The shame. 
 
Some women seem to have a natural gift 
To spit it out, to reject it 
Or they simply refused to be dicked around 
In the first place 
 
I am in awe of these women because for years 
I swallowed and 
Swallowed and 
Swallowed 
 
“Taking it like a woman” to  
Keep the connection 
To secure the attachment 
To be a good girl 
 
For the men I wanted to love me 
To praise me 
To adore me 
To let me play on their field 
 
Even though I was more talented 
More resilient 
More flexible and  
A hell of a lot stronger 
 
By swallowing the shame 
Internalizing the misogyny 
Being the version of a lady 
They wanted me to be 
 
And even treating other women 
Poorly in reaction 
Denying them their rights, 
Their process 
 
I swallowed 
Believing it would keep the man happy 
When he could care less what I did 
As long as he got off first 
 
How would he react now if I spit it 
Right back in his face? 
Would that make me an unlady? 
Will they take my good girl card away? 
 
Better yet, what if I don’t show up for the game? 
Make him take care of himself 
Hell has no fury like a privileged man 
Losing his power 
 
While compassion has long been our power 
I must no longer let the man use that against me 
I almost died in both body and spirit 
Caring too much 
 
When we step back into the power we deserve 
The world comes back into balance 
Yes, the fight ahead is a long one 
They will come after us 
 
Violently 
Or worse yet 
They may even deny us the  
Connection and love we desire 
 
May the fire burning in our bellies  
Lit from the kindling of that  
Good Girl card they revoked 
Light the way 
 
Surround yourself with the good men, women, and people 
Who will never make you be anything than who you are 
Who will celebrate your spirit to the fullest 
Who will never ask you—spit or swallow? 
 ​
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The Heart is an Organ of Fire: Meditation Reader Preview by Dr. Jamie Marich

9/22/2020

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“The heart is an organ of fire.” ~Michael Ondaatje, The English Patient
 
The limbic brain, the seat of our emotions and learning as human beings, can be destroyed by unhealed trauma. Ancient Christian mystics, often called the desert fathers and desert mothers, referred to this brain as the heart brain. Our emotional world, governed by the limbic brain, can feel like a fire that is raging out of control. Some trauma survivors are affected oppositely—they become shut off to feeling altogether. Often we shut ourselves off from emotion by choice, afraid of what feeling them might do to us.

Our emotional world and other matters of the heart are much like a fireplace that keeps a cabin warm. If the fire rages, it can burn the cabin down. If the fire dies, the cabin goes cold. Recovery teaches us how to keep the fire in balance—properly tended to create for us a beautiful warmth.
 
Invitation: Interlace your hands together and place them over your heart. If directly touching your body feels too activating, you may hover this cross-fingered gesture a few inches away from your heart. Spend 3-5 minutes in this position and listen to what messages your heart—and the emotional world it represents—may be giving you today.
 
Prayer or Intention: May the emotional fire of my heart create warmth—not destruction—today and on the path ahead.


Excerpt from the forthcoming, Trauma and the 12 Steps Daily Meditation Reader, releasing on September 30, 2020 from Creative Mindfulness Media
​
Photograph & Meme by Dr. Jamie Marich
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Stay Awake by Dr. Kellie Kirksey

9/2/2020

1 Comment

 
Picture
Picture
Dear Friends
     Do not fall back asleep

Although the days are short
And the night is long.

     Do not fall back asleep

If your heart still beats for humanity
I beg you.
Go find your kindling
Reignite the flame within your heart.

     Do not fall back asleep

Remember 401 years of terror for Black Lives.
Reaffirm your commitment to justice

     Do not fall back asleep


Remember we still can’t breathe -
even though we find a way to keep smiling, laughing, drumming, crying,
working, marching

     Do not fall back asleep


For me and mine there is no option
We can not step out of our Black skin and take a day off.
There is no day off.
Our ancestral melanated garment calls us to action everyday. 

     Do not fall back asleep

My dear Ally

There can be no peace in our land if the blood of Black people continues
to flow through the streets.


Stay awake
     Do not fall back asleep.


Poetry and photography by Dr. Kellie Kirksey


1 Comment

A Race To Freedom by Dr. Kellie Kirksey

7/4/2020

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What do you see?
​
What is the story of your projection?
Do you see my color?
or is my hue invisible to you?

How does this unfolding story strike your heart?
Where does the word racism resonate within your body?

Why were your eyes closed for 401 years?
Did you not hear my screams?
Did you not see the hanging tree?
Did you not feel my anguish?

Did you not notice my red blood running through the streets?
Was I not just as human when they killed us again and again and again?

I am perplexed.

So.

Do you really see my reality now?
Can you taste the fear that has been my life?
Is this all real or simply a gaslight hallucination?

Real talk...
My fear is you will fall asleep once more and i will recess into the blackground of your mind like yesterdays old yellow newspaper.
I know one of you has cried muffled tears of saddness for this 4 century long tragedy.
Step boldly forward and work for systemic change.
Please come out of the shadows.
Let your tears water the soul and soil of justice.
....she is exhausted.
and yet she begs you.
Do not slumber.

Please do not fall back asleep.

Stay awake for freedom...

and raise your voice to action as we toil for a system that is just, together....and truly equal.
May the souls of the Ancestors rejoice in this earthly transformation and find peaceful eternal rest.

By Dr. Kellie Kirksey
June 30th, 2020
1:26am
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Cleo by Velma Barber

5/5/2020

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Outside the window, Cleo’s uncle stalked to the corner of the yard to stand beneath the phone pole and look up, hands on hips, ranting. Cleo grabbed her father’s handgun from the dusty windowsill and ran to hide it between her mattresses.
When she returned to the window, Uncle Bobby was still out there waving his hands and yelling at the brown-skinned cable guy on the pole. Cleo stared through the glass, images blurred by a filter of dead bugs, bird poop, pollution particles.
The man on the pole cut and moved wires without bothering to look down at her screaming uncle. That impressed Cleo, seeing a man who could take insult and mind his own business. Then she noticed the ear buds and his moving mouth. Maybe the man couldn’t hear her uncle threatening to blow his “stupid fucking head off.”
Uncle Bobby threw up his hands, yelled, “Fuck you!” and turned toward the house.
Cleo dropped into the chair whipping her face back to the school-issued laptop screen. Words raced before her eyes. Her heart fluttered.
The front door opened and slammed shut. Cleo peered up, keeping her head down.
“Did you hear me giving it to that sonuvabitch out there?” her uncle asked. “I heard him talking on his phone, saying he supported the stay-at-home order.” He reached into the corner cupboard, his sweaty T shirt riding up over the little bulge growing around his middle. “What a dumbass. We oughta kick out all the foreigners. That would solve 99% of our problems. Get real Americans back to work and back to normal life. This CO-VID shit is a liberal hoax.” He moved a few cans around, muttering, “Damn!”
“What are you looking for?” Cleo asked. She glanced out the window. The cable man descended the pole.
“I’m looking for my damned peas and carrots,” her uncle barked.
“I think daddy ate them,” Cleo said. The man outside climbed into his white van.
“He knows those are my favorite!” Her uncle slammed the cupboard door. “He’s been taking my shit since we were kids. I’m gonna kill him when he gets home.” He stalked to the bathroom, the door cracking shut against the frame.
Outside, tail lights lit up and the van moved into the street, diminishing in size as it travelled up the block, shrinking the threat of violence, the distraction of warranted worry. 
Cleo's breath calmed and she returned to the Civics assignment: Read a news article related to how any level of US government is responding to the current pandemic; write a one sentence summary of the article; write three relevant questions related to the article and include answers.
She opened a fresh document and tapped the keyboard with efficiency, accuracy.
The first lady of Maryland has been instrumental in securing coronavirus tests for her state.
1. What is the first lady’s profession? (Artist)
2. Could this first lady be governor some day? (Yes)
3. If a girl who grew up on a chicken farm in South Korea can become the first lady of Maryland, could someone like me possibly escape this hellhole? (Maybe)

The toilet flushed.
Cleo ran to collect the gun and put it back on the windowsill.
With any luck, when her father returned from work to face his brother’s wrath, one of them would take a bullet and the other would end up back in jail.
Didn’t matter who shot who, as long as they were both out of her life.
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Dimensions by Jamie Marich

5/1/2020

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Picture
​If you can’t handle me in three or more dimensions
You don’t get to have me in two
You one dimensional fool
 
If you can’t digest my substance and my messiness
Seeing only the perfect image you behold
You won’t get any of me, not anymore
 
If you can’t treat me with the respect
You would want any man to show your most sensitive daughter
I withdraw any respect I ever held for you
 
If you keep putting me on hold when you were
Once so eager for me to answer the phone
This fantasy of ours will cease to be reality


Poetry by Jamie Marich
Mixed Media by Jamie Marich based on a photograph by Michael Gargano

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Without the Virus by Destiny Aspen Mowadeng

4/9/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture
Fear overwhelms me.
Sucking me dry
Leaving me
So many wounds
A shell of a human
Not human
Left to die
Without the virus
My reality
Disabled
Imperfect, unworthy of care
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Dancing Mindfulness/The Institute for Creative Mindfulness is an organizational member of the International Association of Expressive Arts Therapists, the Dance First Association, and NALGAP: The Association of Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, Addiction Professionals and Their Allies; Dancing Mindfulness proudly partners with The Breathe Network and Y12SR: The Yoga of 12-Step Recovery in our shared missions.
  • Home
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